The problem is this....

I feel like I'm losing way too many people in my life right now.  Important people.  And - maybe that's not accurate but that's the way it feels.  I keep asking myself if it's worth it and I still haven't decided if it is.  It's like everyone around me keeps placing conditions on our friendships and that's just not fair.  "I'll be your friend if you give me a little space."  Or - "I'll be your friend if you go to my church."  Or - "You may think you know what's best for your life and what direction God is leading you in... but you're very wrong.  But - I do know...so do what I tell you.".  It's just all so frustrating.  Love is supposed to be unconditional.  You shouldn't love me because of what I can do for you or because I do what you ask.  You should love me because that's what you're called to do.  But - is that what happens?  No.  Because people are selfish and when things get uncomfortable they either bail or try to mold you into the friend that they want or need you to be.  Because - I forgot... it's all about you, right.  Forget it being about Him at all.  I just don't get it.  And - I don't know that I ever will.  It just sucks.  I wish I could get to a point where it doesn't bother me and maybe I will.  I just know I haven't gotten there yet.  It bothers me daily.  And - maybe that's why I'm in this funk that I feel like I can't get out of.  A lot of the time...I'm good.  I'm happy.  I'm lovin' life.  But - then I come home... and there's this ache in my soul that won't go away.  This sadness that I can't escape for too long.  I don't know what it is or why it's there but I don't like it.  It's just not me.  And - I need it to go away.