Temptation

Pictured above are just a few of the things that are delivered to our office on any given day.  Pure temptation.  That's what that is.  It's completely ridiculous that people bring this crap to us...and in such a large volume!  All of those desserts were delivered at one time...in the same day...by the same drug rep.  Really?!  Can't you look around and see that isn't what we need?!  How about some fruit?  Or a veggie tray?!  Good grief.  What it really comes down to is this:  Is it worth it?  All of those desserts are from Edgars.  Anything from Edgars is absolutely amazing.  BUT - is it really worth it?  Yes...it's going to be good.  Yes...it's going to taste amazing but if it causes me to gain weight....is it really worth it?  NO!  It's totally not worth it at all.  So...I resist temptation.  Am I always successful?  Not every time, no.  But for the most part I am able to just walk away from things like this.  It gets easier over time.  You just have to decide what you want more.  Weight loss and health...or a little pleasure that only lasts a second.  It's not easy...not at all.  It does get better though...easier with time.  That fact alone makes my soul happy.  :o)

I haven't been on track like I should the past couple of months but as of June 1st I am!  David issued me a challenge.  He challenged me to a true Subway challenge.  The only place I can eat out is Subway.  Otherwise I have to make my meals at home.  I'm doing this the whole month of June and when I accomplish this I win all of his dvd's.  Hahahaha!  I am so excited!  :o)  This is day 13 and I'm not going to say it's been easy.  It's been really difficult.  When I go out with my friends I either have to pick up Subway or make sure I've eaten before meeting them.  Then I get the pleasure of sitting there while they eat their delicious food.  Delicious and very unhealthy.  So...not only am I saving money BUT I'm making healthier decisions too!  I also started working out with a personal trainer last week.  My friend and I will meet with him at least once a week.  We've had 2 sessions with him and he has kicked our butts both times.  I'm usually sore for a few days after.  I have to admit...I love the pain.  :o)  It lets me know that I'm doing something right!  The goal is to be in the gym 3 days a week.  That's totally doable I just have to make it happen.  Luckily I have a friend to go with me so that makes it easier.  It gives me motivation to go.  It MAKES me go because I know I've told her that I would.  For some reason I need that push.  I need that commitment.  I need to know that if I cancel then I'm letting someone down.  I signed a 6 month contract so I'll be with my personal trainer until December and then I'll decide if I want to sign another.  I can't wait for December to get here so I can see my results!!!!!  :o)  I'm super excited!  I have a feeling it's going to be amazing.  For real.

Choices...

I know you don't understand me.  I don't understand me.  I heard those words when I got home today.  Grey's Anatomy was on and those were Meredith's words to Derek.  I've felt that way lately.  Especially today.  Misunderstood.  I hate that.  I feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve most days and maybe that's a bad thing.  You can always tell what mood I'm in by looking at my face.  It's written there.  Always.  No matter how hard I try to hide it...I can't.  It's almost impossible.  So...I'm emotional.  Yes.  It's a part of who I am.  But - I should be able to control it.  For the most part I think that I'm able to.  Sometimes...not so much.  The past two days have been super emotional for me.  I hate that.  I don't like crying.  It makes me feel weak.  I don't know what my problem is!  I just feel like I care too much about people.  WAY TOO MUCH!  You see...I have this problem.  I love people with my whole heart.  It's the way I've always been. A part of me hopes that never changes.  But another part wants it to change so badly.  I like loving people...doing stuff for them.  Making them smile.  It makes my heart happy.  But it's become something really unhealthy.  It's become something that has begun to hurt me.  It's become something that can potentially hurt others.  It's definitely something that I need to control...or rather give to God and let Him completely take over.  My heart does belong to Him after all.  It was bought at a price.  My life...my heart...my decisions...my everything is no longer my own.  It's His!  Gosh.  Sometimes I feel like I have the same realizations over and over again.  This is one of them.  If I know this already then why do I continue to let it happen?!  It doesn't make any sense.  It's the same with my quiet time.  I know I should have one.  But - I've never had a consistent one.  EVER.  My problem is priority.  I put everything and everyone else before my God.  Before my Jesus.  Before the One who died for me.  Before the One who saved my soul.  It's crazy.  He's the only One who will never leave me.  He's the One who knows me.  He knows my every thought.  He knows what's best for me...even if I don't.  I matter to Him!  He's the only One who will love me no matter what.  His love is unconditional.  His love is amazing.  His love.  There's nothing like His love.  You'll never be able to find anything that compares.  We think that we can.  We might even think we already have.  It's not possible.  His love is one of a kind.  It's special.  It blows my mind.  If all of that is true (and it is) then why do I continue to make the decisions that I do.  Why am I not guarding my heart?  Why do I let everyone in?  Sometimes I literally feel like my chest is open and my heart exposed for anyone and everyone to do what they want with it.  Some handle it delicately.  Others...not so much.  This could all be avoided, of course.  I just have to make the decision to follow Christ.  To follow Him no matter what the cost.  To choose Him above all else...above everyone and everything.  So that's where I am right now.  It's time to make a decision.  Do I continue to let others rule over my heart...or do I return it to the One it really belongs to anyway?!!  I choose Christ and I know I'll NEVER be the same again.  :o)