(Most of this was written yesterday. I just didn't have time to post it...)
Choices. Life. Service. Love. Laughter. Happiness. Joy. Grace. Peace. Forgiveness. Commitment. Community. Sold out. Filled up. Priority.
These are things I've been contemplating recently. Important things. Crucial things. And - along with those come these questions:
Where do I belong? What am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here? What am I to do with my life? What exactly is my calling? What are His plans for me?
My answer to all of those questions is the same. I DON'T KNOW! Maybe that's the problem. I don't know. Usually I would be okay with that. But - lately there's all this pressure. Choose and commit. That's what I'm being asked to do. And - I don't want to. I feel like a child on the inside. One that's just about ready to throw herself on the floor kicking and screaming and pitching a holy fit. The embarassing kind of fit. The kind that the once pitched the parents want to either run away or literally beat the child. That's where I am right now. That's how I feel. And - I hate it. Why? Because I'm not in control and I don't know what the future holds. I feel like in choosing I'll make the wrong choice. Walking away from something that has been my home for 13 years now makes me want to literally vomit. But - then again - I'd be joining something pretty amazing. God is doing great things there. He's moving. He's changing people. He's at work and it's amazing. It's so awesome to be able to witness and even more amazing to be a part of. Some have advised me to make a decision now. Others want me to wait and pray. I'm a firm believer in this fact: God's timing is perfect. So - I will pray...and I will wait for peace to come.
