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There's a Light at the End of This Tunnel.

Long time no write... I know.  Forgive me.  Life has been INSANE.  Where to start..........  well... I'm gonna skip the bad altogether.  Haha.  Don't be disappointed.  I've shared enough emo stuff to last a lifetime.  :o)

Here we go....

Lately my life has kind of been.... crazy.  Sometimes crazy good and, unfortunately, sometimes just crazy.  But - today... today I got what could possibly end up being an answer to prayer.  and - it's changed my whole attitude.  My whole outlook.  and - I hope I still remain hopeful and full of belief even if this doesn't work out.  Even when the bad days come.... and they will.... they always do.  and  that's okay.  Because that means the good... the GREAT... might be right around the corner.

Today I was reminded that God is SO good.  Even amidst the crazy, uncertain, terrifying reality that we refer to as life.... He's good.  He's there...with us... every step.  and - it's more comforting than ANYTHING this world has to offer.  Why?  Because - the Lord is THE One that won't leave us... or forsake us.  He truly LOVES us.  His plans are only for our GOOD.  Can you believe that?  I mean... the Lord of all creation has plans for me.  For you.  PLANS.  Isn't that the wildest thing you've ever heard?  Okay, okay.  Maybe not the wildest.  The wildest is that God would come down to earth in the form of man and choose to die a gruesome death so that I, you, we might spend eternity with Him.  That is insane.  and - the more I think about it all the more it blows my mind.

This has been one of the most wonderful Mondays and I'm so thankful.  So grateful.  and - so full of hope and belief.

God is most definitely good.  All the time.

Amen.

Need more, love less.

Love more, need less.  I love that.  I want that.  But - some days... I really need.  Today is one of those days.  I'm sad, lonely, and believing every lie that is flying through my head.  For the last few months I've prided myself on how well my relationships were going.  I've decided that I want to be healthier.  I want to read more.  I want to watch television less.  and - the list goes on and on.

Well... today I'm realizing my relationships are no longer going as well as they were.  and - some that are... I just don't want to be.  Sometimes the people you're surrounded by aren't the ones you want at all.  Sometimes the people you want in your life don't want you in theirs and that's a harsh reality to face.  A harsh reality, indeed.

I'm still doing alright with eating better... but there are most definitely more changes that need to be made there.  But - today I'm just so terrified that I'm going to fail again.  Just like every other time.  I have one person that believes in me.  and - she believes in me because she loves me.  She's the one person that I know I can count on to be there... to listen... to laugh... and to cry with me.  I'm super thankful to have a best friend like Audra.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  and - even with her encouragement... I still hear threats of defeat.  and - I'm afraid.  I don't want to hear, "I hope you're serious this time." or any other discouraging word.  I know I've failed.  I know I've made many attempts to make a change and haven't.  So - now I'm wondering... why would this time be any different?  Maybe it won't.

I'm doing alright with reading more.  It's still not consistent but these days I'd rather get lost in a tv show or movie than read a book that is full of truth.  I enjoy it once I do.. it's just making that decision is sometimes tough.

So - that's me today.  I'm hoping this won't be me tomorrow.

That is all.