Thanksgiving.

Even though this last year has been pretty rough I still have a ton to be thankful for.  I never thought I'd be where I am today.  Going to a new church... still single... living with 4 women... living DOWNTOWN... making new friends... keeping in touch with my old ones... just living life.  I had no idea this is what He had in store for me.  But - I'm so very thankful that He has me right where I am.  I've LIVED more in the last 2 years than I feel I have in my entire life and it's been amazing.  I have no idea where my path is headed... but I'm super excited to see where I end up.  My God is AMAZING and I can't wait to see what He has planned!!  :o)

I love it when Christmas falls on Sunday...

I've been thinking about this for the last couple of days and I've decided it's an exciting thing when Christmas falls on Sunday.  Some churches have special Christmas Eve services each year no matter what day it falls on... but no one has a special Christmas day service unless it ends up being on a Sunday that year.  Some people think we should even cancel church if it falls on Sunday... which is completely ABSURD!  Why would we cancel church?  I mean, seriously?  What exactly is Christmas all about?!  Think about it.  Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ!!  I think it's a privilege and a blessing to be able to attend church on Christmas.  I'm not sure if my church will cancel services or not.  If they do... I'm gonna have a really big problem with that and it's really going to be something I have to pray and think over... but know this... I will be attending a church service somewhere and I will LOVE every single minute of it.

Rage Against the Machine...

I'm more selfish than I realize most days.  I don't know if it's just in subtle ways or if I'm completely oblivious but today it hit me right in the face and it definitely took me by surprise.  I guess I usually pride myself on being giving and such when in reality we are all selfish in our own ways.  I may be willing to give of my time or in a monetary way but ask me to do something that doesn't align with my plan and eventually my temper gets the best of me.  It may not last long... but the anger is still there and it shouldn't be.  What happened to mercy and grace?  What happened to forgiveness?  Where is the love?!  Why can't I just roll with it?  I have a friend that tells me at least once a week... "You're just not chill, Jamie.  You're not like me.".  I usually laugh it off but tonight...I see that he's right.  I'm not chill.  I don't let things go easily.  I am easily angered.  I am easily irritated.  My fuse is sometimes short.  All of these things depend on who I'm dealing with or which day it is, of course, but that's no excuse.  So - why do I sweat the small stuff?  I don't want to.  I don't want to care.  I don't want to let things get to me.  I hate that they do.  It makes me feel crazy.  I wish I could just be okay with whatever comes my way but some days....sometimes... it's just hard...and it can get the best of me.  But - it shouldn't.  I could say what I always say here...  No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes.  I'm a sinner.  Blah, blah, blah.  I could use that as an excuse 'til the day I die... OR... I can do something about it.  I can be active in trying to destroy that sin nature in me.  I can be more aware of what or who triggers that type of reaction and dig deep and find out the WHY of it all.  I'll never be perfect.  That statement is true.  But - I can choose to seek Christ in all I do and know that He can and will change me.  Sound like a plan?  I think so and I think it's the only one that will work.

Times, they are a changin'...

"Cling to the Vine - that's all you have, really. I'll be spitting in your face for the rest of my life and you'll be spitting in mine. Thank God we aren't meant to save each other or we'd be bound for hell."  ~ David Charles Johnson

Man.  So much has happened since my last post.  I was in a very different place then.  A bitter, sad, desperate place.  A place I hope I never return to... but if I do... I now know that people won't let me stay there long.  They will step in and they will speak truth into my life.  It's such a beautiful thing when you're able to experience people putting the Word into action.  A beautiful thing, indeed.

Now that I'm kind of removed from that my focus is very much the same as it has been in the past.  I long to have a hunger for the Lord, His word, and His people like I've never had before.  I want talking to Him throughout the day to be a natural thing.  I don't want my time with Him to be out of anything but pure desire to know Him more.  I want to be a light in the darkness.  I want to love the ones it's hard to love.  I want to make a difference.  That's what I want... but how do I make that reality?  Try.  Pray.  Seek His Face and trust that He will change this heart of mine.  I know that He will.  How?  Because - He has.  He is.  I've seen Him do marvelous things and I have no doubt that He will do a work in me and through me!!  I'm not worthy but none of us are.  Not one.  So - I'm willing.  I'm willing to serve.  I'm willing to love.  I'm willing to do the hard things.  Because - that's what it's all about.  It's not always easy and it's definitely not always fun but isn't it worth it?  I think so.

Life.  Man.  I can't believe my life right now.  I'm living downtown.  DOWNTOWN.  I live with 4 amazing women, 3 cats, and a dog.  Hahaha.  Yes, it's a lot... but it's nice.  It's not crowded.  It's not overwhelming.  It's just... home.  and - I love it.  I love my room.  I love being so close to work and church.  I just... love it.  and - I'm happy.  It's taken me a while to get here.... to get to the happy... to find the joy... but I'm here and I don't want to lose that again.  There's been so much drama wrapped up in the last 2 years and they were an amazing 2 years but I'm so very thankful to be starting a new chapter in my life.  I have a feeling this will be different than any other and I can't wait!!