Love more, need less. I love that. I want that. But - some days... I really need. Today is one of those days. I'm sad, lonely, and believing every lie that is flying through my head. For the last few months I've prided myself on how well my relationships were going. I've decided that I want to be healthier. I want to read more. I want to watch television less. and - the list goes on and on.
Well... today I'm realizing my relationships are no longer going as well as they were. and - some that are... I just don't want to be. Sometimes the people you're surrounded by aren't the ones you want at all. Sometimes the people you want in your life don't want you in theirs and that's a harsh reality to face. A harsh reality, indeed.
I'm still doing alright with eating better... but there are most definitely more changes that need to be made there. But - today I'm just so terrified that I'm going to fail again. Just like every other time. I have one person that believes in me. and - she believes in me because she loves me. She's the one person that I know I can count on to be there... to listen... to laugh... and to cry with me. I'm super thankful to have a best friend like Audra. I don't know what I'd do without her. and - even with her encouragement... I still hear threats of defeat. and - I'm afraid. I don't want to hear, "I hope you're serious this time." or any other discouraging word. I know I've failed. I know I've made many attempts to make a change and haven't. So - now I'm wondering... why would this time be any different? Maybe it won't.
I'm doing alright with reading more. It's still not consistent but these days I'd rather get lost in a tv show or movie than read a book that is full of truth. I enjoy it once I do.. it's just making that decision is sometimes tough.
So - that's me today. I'm hoping this won't be me tomorrow.
That is all.
