And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.

"Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt - a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.  Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships.  The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."  Joseph Nowinski

"I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages us for requiring it. We need a place we can go when, as much as we loathe it, we are needy and hysterical.  I don't know about you, but I need someone who will love me when I hate myself.  And yes, someone who will love me again and again until I kiss this terrestrial sod goodbye."  Beth Moore

I believe for the most part...EVERYONE...is insecure about something.  Or - has been at one time or another.  They don't have to be big issues...insecurities can be small too.  I just refuse to believe I'm the only one that struggles with this from time to time!  What brings this up?  Well...I was at Lifeway with a friend recently because he needed some counselling material and while we were there I decided to let him do his thing and I'd just look around.  So I found a book I thought would be interesting.  And I figured it's definitely something I could pass along to some girlfriends of mine.  :o)  So...I made the purchase and I'm SO glad that I did!!  The book I'm reading is called So long, Insecurity! and it's written by Beth Moore.  I'm only 7 chapters into it and I've already read some pretty amazing stuff.  Beth's heart is for women but...a lot of this stuff applies to men as well.  Whenever I read something that I think is absolutely amazing I email a couple of friends of mine.  One is a woman...and one is a man.  I believe that the material I'm sending applies to both of them.  I wouldn't say the whole book applies to men.  Not at all.  But...there just so happens to be some pretty amazing stuff that would probably rock their world if they read it.  And - in the process they might just learn to understand women a little more.  Everyone's insecurites are different.  What you are insecure about might not be what I'm insecure about.  That's just the way it is.  BUT - that doesn't mean this book wouldn't help you as well.  She says that we're going to get to the "root" of where our insecurities are coming from.  I already have a pretty good idea but...we'll see.  I think it's important to find out the "why".  How are we going to fix it if we don't know where it all began?!  I'm going to get a little personal for a second.  I hope you don't mind.  :o)  A lot of my insecurites lie within my relationships.  It's not really anyone's fault.  That's just the way it's been for me.  It's also not fair to the person that I'm...hmm...well...attaching to.  I say attach because there's usually one person in my life that I will get a little "clingy" with.  No one has really ever called me out on it...until a few months ago.  Since this person has been in my life I've really learned a lot about myself.  Basically because he calls me out on my crap.  I'm very thankful for that, actually.  Everyone needs someone in their life who will call them out if necessary.  Especially if we don't realize what we're doing.  Which...I totally didn't.  I knew I was what I called "territorial" with my friends but that's it.  So, I believe God placed this man in my life to teach me a few things.  To teach me to let go.  To teach me to love differently.  To teach me to be less "intense".  AND - to teach me to give people their space.  Not everyone requires a whole lot of personal space...but some people do and I have to respect that.  :o)  So, I'm learning.  I'm a work in progress and that's okay with me.  I'm learning to do the hard things.  It's not always going to be easy...but it's not supposed to be now is it?!  Life isn't easy.  But - it can be an amazing journey if you allow it to be.  If you allow the Lord to use to the people that He placed in your life to teach you and to love you.  This means letting them love you THEIR WAY!  Not everyone will love the way you want or expect them to.  We're all wired differently.  The way I show my love for people isn't necessarily going to be the same way that you do.  And - THAT'S OKAY!  As long as we're loving like Christ has called us to love then that's really all that matters.  Don't you agree?!  Not everyone makes themselves as "available" as we'd like.  It's just the way some people are.  That doesn't mean they don't love us.  It just means they love us a little differently.  Love also requires sacrifice.  But - that's another topic for another day.


I'm really excited about what God is doing in my life right now!  It's actually kind of amazing.  But - I shouldn't be surprised by that!  I serve an AMAZING God!


I'm going to post some stuff from Beth's book below.  Enjoy!  And - thanks for reading!!!  :o)


*We ALL have insecurities.  They piggyback on the vulnerability inherent in our humanity.  The question is whether or not our insecurities are substantial enough to hurt, limit, or even distract us from profound effectiveness or fulfillment of purpose.  Are they cheating us of the powerful and abundant life Jesus flagrantly promised?  Do they nip at our heels all the way from the driveway to the workplace?  Scripture claims that believers in Christ are enormously gifted people.  Are our insecurities snuffing the Spirit until our gifts, for all practical purposes, are largely unproductive or, at the very least, tentative?


*We who are in Christ are never hopeless, never without recourse or divine help, even when our bodies are weak.


*Insecurity can result from a broken attachment of any kind, even one that seems relatively minor to others.  It if translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf.  Before we move on, remember to always think broadly when you're trying to analyze losses and their links to your insecurity.  Even the loss of face or respect through some kind of public shame can have an immense impact.  Wondering if everybody hates you takes no small toll on your soul.


*If you know Jesus Christ personally, He has chosen you, too, and has appointed you to accomplish something good.  Something that matters. Somethng prepared for you before time began (Ephesians 2:10).  Something meant to have a serious impact within your sphere of influence.


Perhaps, like me, somewhere deep inside you entertain the lie that you know yourself better than God knows you and that somehow you've successfully hidden something from His omniscient eye.  This could be the only explanation for why He bothers with you.  For those of us who tru to live in the light of Scripture, this thought process is far more subtle than outright.  Roots always extend underground.  Sometimes the only way we know one of these roots exist is when we see what's growing from it.  If we have false assumptions like, "If God really knew me, He wouldn't like me" hidden somehwere in our core, it will feed our insecurities like a zookeeper shoveling hay to an elephant.  We only know that assumption is there because something big, alive, and detructive is growing from it.


Intensity is a key factor in insecurity.  A fissure in a relationship might sting one person but devastate the other.  Obviously, the latter party is most likely the least secure.  Insecurity is not just about how many of the qualifications you possess.  It's about how much the ones you own really get to you.


*You and I are gong to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us.  Change will not come easy.  Old habits die hard.  But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems.


*I realized with fresh astonishment that, although we may have something unhealthy deep inside of us, those in whom Christ dwells also have something deeper.  Something whole.  Something so infinitely healthy that, if it would but invade the rest of us, we would be healed.


I don't know.  Maybe this isn't a big revelation to you, but I am so thankful that at no time since I received Christ as Savior have I ever been a total wreck.  Partial?  Lord, have mercy, yes.  Humiliatingly so.  But total?  Not on your ever-loving life.  And if He resides in you, neither have you (Romans 8:9).  Jesus is not unhealthy.  Not codependent with us.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  This thought never grows old to me:  He has no dark side.  In Him is no darkness at all.


That, beloved, is our challenge.  To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.  When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are.  And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17).

PS - I would've posted more but that wouldn't be fair to Beth Moore!  Go buy the book!  It's completely amazing!

Change. You're totally welcome here.

Change.  Why are we so afraid of it?  Everything changes.  That's what life and growing up is all about.  You go from depending on your parents for your every need to providing for yourself.  Then you're not just providing for yourself...you're providing for your family.  Everything at one point or another changes.  So...why does it literally rock our world sometimes when it happens to us?  I've gone through lots of changes these last few years.  Hair color, jobs, friends, living arrangements, etc.  Some changes were good.  Great even.  And - some not so good.  A hair color called "Paint the Town Red" comes to mind.  Hahaha.  Just picturing that bright red color on my head makes me laugh every single time.  But - I made it through alright.  I might have a few scars but at the end of the day...after all is said and done...I can honeslty say it was ALL worth it.  Every.  Single.  Decision.  It's made me who I am today.  I like who I am and who I'm becoming.  Well...for the most part.  ;o)  I'm learning what's important to me.  I'm learning what I'm willing to make sacrifices for.  I'm not saying I'm perfect.  NOT AT ALL.  I'm a work in progress.  I hope I always am.  Always learning.  Always changing.  Giving in and allowing the Lord to take control and mold me into the woman He created me to be.  That's what I want.  So...change isn't always bad.  It catches me off guard every time.  But - that's okay.  I'm learning to deal with it correctly.  You almost have to welcome it.  Change is good.  It's healthy.  It's necessary.  It just happens.  No need to freak out!  Just take deep breaths.  Hahaha.  I've been there. It doesn't do anyone any good to have a big emotional deal about it.  That just makes people think you're crazy!  :o)  You just kind of have to learn to let it roll off your shoulders.  No biggie.  Don't sweat it.  Before you know it...you'll be laughing at the way you reacted to it.  And - wondering why is was such a huge deal in the first place. I think a lot of the time we're just so terrified that our lives literally can't get any better than they are right now.  Or - we're afraid it's just going to get worse.  If we'd just learn to let go of it all...then our lives would be so much easier!  Oh, my gosh.  For real.  Do hard things. Let go.  Welcome changes!  You just might learn to love it!  :o)

Oh, hello change!  Come on in!  You're totally welcome here!  

Pride.

The following is about Pride.  It's taken directly from Beth Moore's book called:  So Long, Insecurity!

Enjoy!  :o)

I have come to the conclusion that we have no greater burden in all of life than our own inflated egos. No outside force has the power to betray and mislead us the way our own egos do. Pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking. Pride cheats us of intimacy, because intimacy requires transparency. Pride is a slave driver like no other, and if it can't drive us to destruction, it will drive us to distraction. Think about the madness this one little trait can cause:

If we can't be the most attractive, at least we can be the best at something. And if we can't be the best at something, we can at least be the hardest working. And if we can't be the hardest working, we can at lest be the most congenial. And if we can't be the most congenial, we can at least be the most noticeable. And if we can't be the most noticeable, we can at least be the most religious. And if we can't be the most religious, we can at least be the most exhausted.

And it never ends, because big egos insist on our being a "the." Not just an "a." We're that desperate for significance. We live our lives screaming, "Somebody notice me!" And do you want to hear something interesting? That's exactly how God made us.

That very need is built into our human hard drive to send us on a search for our Creator, who can assign us more significance than we can handle. He not only notices us, He never takes His eyes off us. Every now and then a moment of clarity hits us, and we feel known by something - Someone - of inestimable greatness. These words fell froma psalmist who experienced such a moment:

O LORD, You have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me wehn I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
...You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!                                       Psalm 139:1-6, 13-17

In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great. Our search is over and our egos silenced. We no longer need pride to drive us, because we've found something infinitely more fulfilling; purpose. He is the reason we are here. And finally our souls are at rest...until once again we forget. Pride is a driver, and it invariably drives us in the opposite direction than it promised.

Pride lives on the defensive against anyone and anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth. Confidence, on the other hand, is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away. That's what you and I are after, not an outbreak of bloated ego.

Humility is a crucial component in true security. It's teh very thing that calms the savage beast of pride. More importantly, humility is the heart of the great paradox: we find our lives when we lose them to something much larger.

Created in the image of God, we instinctively know that something enormous is within us. Pride is the result of mistaking eternal for the temporal. We end up looking up instead of looking up to look in. We get fixated on every self-gain and every self-loss until, in or inordinate self-protection, we end up licking our wounds to the point that they can't heal.

Pride. A root of insecurity if there ever was one. We will never feel better about ourselves by becoming more consumed with ourselves. Likewise, we will never feel better about ourselves by feeling worse about others. Superiority can't give birth to security. Neither, by the way, can the relentless pursuit of perfection. Perfectionism is perhaps our culture's biggest temptation. In his fascinating book Perfecting Ourselves to Death, psychiatrist and theologian Richard Winter offers this intriguing insight:

"Although perfectionists seem very insecure, doubting their decisions and actions, fearing mistakes and rejection, and having low opinions of themselves, at the same time, they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggests an aspiration to be better than others.

Most psychological explanations see the desire to be superior and in control as compenation for feelings of weakness, inferiority, and low self-esteem. But it could also be that the opposite is true; we feel bad about ourselves because we are not able to perform as well, or appear as good, as we really think we can. We believe we are better than others, but we keep discovering embarrassing flaws. Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Low self-esteem and pride coexist in the same heart."
Dr. Winter then goes on to quote psychologist Terry Cooper in this vivid snapshot of the coexisting odd couple:
"If I search around long enough, I'll find insecurity beneath my grandiosity and arrogant expectations beneath my self-contempt."

We are complex people indeed. Perfect messes. Pridefully insecure. But let me tell you what isn't complex: owning our own pride problem and confessing it to God. That's when He'll move it out of the way so we can deal with the roots of our insecurity we didn't plant. Until we sort the pride out of our insecurity, we can't, in very sense of the saying, see the forest for the trees. Everybody's got a pride problem. Owning it is a relief. Every time I do, I sense the glorious God-given relese that follows repentance, and I wonder what took me so long. I don't feel ashamed. I feel freed.

Fortunately pride is not hard to spot. It's not emotionally complicated like the effects of instability in the hones, significant loss, or dramatic change. It's ego, and we know it. In that very moment, we can whisper the words, "That nothing but pride. God, forgive me. Self, get over it." If I'm by myself, I don't whisper. I say it out loud like I mean it. Pride is one of those roots God can jerk up in a second. We just have to pry our sweet little fingers loose. Our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our own issues. In trying to relieve us of the whole concept of presonal sin, our culture's reordered values have cheated us out of the right to repentance and sublime restoration. They have hijacked our healing. A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away.

Ish...

Life has been good lately.  Really good.  Now...I've had my issues with certain people but that will happen from time to time.  


My birthday was a few weeks ago and it was...hands down...the best birthday I have ever had.  I got to spend time with just about everyone that I wanted to.  It was absolutely amazing.  Audra and Dave threw me the coolest birthday party known to man.  It was alien themed.  Yes, that's right.  Alien themed.  I pulled up to the yard and it was a crash sight.  With a UFO in the tree and everything.  It was awesome. I was really impressed.  This is also the first time ever that I really did have a full birthday week!  Hahaha.  I always claim a full week for celebration but this is the first time I haven't had to make people participate.  I just felt really special that week.  I can't say enough good things about it.  I loved every minute of it.  :o)  


So...like I said...life is good.  Real good.  I feel like I'm working on my issues.  Whatever they might be.  I think I've put some of them behind me and others are still waiting to be conquered.  But - I'm getting there.  Slowly but surely...I'm getting there.  Change is good.  I'm learning that.  Change can be real good!!