Because I Knew You...

On April 28, 2015 at 11:50pm my beloved Fajah took his last breath.  I was lucky enough to be there when he did.  I keep picturing those last moments over and over again.  How beautiful his passing was and how it still makes my heart ache to know that he's no longer with us.

I can't tell you what day or even what year I met Rick Whitehead.  All I can tell you is that the Lord put us on a collision course and I'll be eternally grateful for that.  He started out as my Sunday School teacher... then choir director... then Fajah.  He was basically my second father.  At first I was Jamie James to him.... then My Girl.... then Dah Dah.  He wouldn't say that I was the "daughter he never had" because he said I was the daughter that he did have.  That I would always be his daughter.  and - I can tell you that he will ALWAYS be my Fajah.

If you never had the chance to meet Rick you really missed out.  His love for Christ and for people was genuine. He was full of wisdom and honesty. He always wanted to be real to those around him. He never wanted to be fake. and - I can say in all the years I knew him that I got the genuine Rick Whitehead every time.

His worship was contagious.  No matter what mood you were in... no matter your circumstance... his worship... his love for Christ... would bust through whatever you were going through and usher you into the presence of the Lord Almighty... every.single.time.  Singing with him was one of my favorite things on the planet.  Especially when we sang Shout to the Lord together.  I know it's an old song... I do.  But - man... I wish I could sing that with him just one more time.  I wish a lot of things, actually.  That he could officiate my wedding one day... be Grand-fajah to my children... I just wish we could've had him here longer.  That I could've hugged him more.  Spent more time with him.  Sang with him more.  You just expect people to be around forever, you know?  When Rick was diagnosed with Leukemia I just knew he'd recover.  I just knew he'd be okay.  I never thought a year later we'd be saying goodbye to this man that was...is so special to so many.  But - we did.  We said goodbye on May 1st and 2nd.  It's weird.  Weird not having him here.  Knowing that I'll never arrive early to choir again just so I could talk to him.  He's the one I called before every job interview.  He's the one that was always there when my dad was in the hospital.  Him and Pam sat with me through my dad's open heart surgery.  He's always been there.  He was a constant in my life.  I know, with time, this heart of mine will heal.  It's just... I miss him.  I miss him a lot. 

I was talking with some friends the other day... friends that didn't really know Rick... but say they feel like they know him because of me.  Because I talked about him often.  and - that brought me comfort... because I realize that whoever I marry will know Rick.  My children will know him.  They'll know him because I do.... because I'll tell them about him.  and - I'll teach them the things he taught me.  Knowing him made me better.  It changed me.  and - I will always and forever be thankful that I had to opportunity to know him.... to love him.... to be his Dah Dah.

I'll end with some lyrics from a song that describes what knowing Rick meant to me and my life:

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.

Because I knew you... I have been changed for GOOD.