Christmas...

1. Egg nog or hot chocolate?  I usually end up having both, actually.  But - I will always choose chocolate first.  ;o)

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?  Well, at our house Santa only brought us one BIG present and the rest of the gifts were from our parents.  Santa left our presents in from of the television in the living room unwrapped.  He was kind of cool like that.  BAM!  There it is!

3. Colored lights on house/tree or white?  Old school big colored lights on the house.  White lights on the tree.  Back in the day my grandma used the big colored lights on her Christmas tree and they had foil flowers around them to make them even brighter.  IT WAS AWESOME.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?  Not usually.

5. When do you put your decorations up?  As soon as Thanksgiving is over...if not before then.  I love Christmas decorations!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?  I have several things I expect on Christmas.  Turkey, dressing, corn casserole, Pam's special Christmas cookies, dumplings, and pecan pie.  It's just not the same without all of those delicious things!

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?  I have no idea.  Every Christmas we had as a whole family was pretty great.  I'm sure it would be one when grandma was still alive.  She was so amazing.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?  I'm pretty sure I tried to catch Santa in the act and caught found my parents putting out presents instead.  I'm not sure if they saw me but...I saw them.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?  Well, when we were little we always got to open one and it was always pajamas.  We loved it!  Now I spend Christmas Eve with the Whitehead's and we do open gifts there AND play BINGO to win gifts!  OMG.  It's so much fun!  Every family should play BINGO to win presents!  It will most definitely be a tradition I carry on.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?  Well, my roommate decorated our tree this year without me.  :(  But - when I have my own home I will have a real tree and it will have lots of beautiful white lights.  And tons of ornaments.  Man, decorating my grandma's tree was the best ever.  She had the oldest ornaments known to man and they were all so cool.  I would want my tree to look like hers in a way.  Without the huge outdoor colored lights and foil, of course.

11. Snow? Love it or dread it?  Dread it?  NO WAY!  Love, love, love, love, love, love, love it!!!!!!!!!!!!  Man, I hope it snows like it did earlier this year.  That was so awesome.  My roommates and I had the best day...EVER!  We acted like children.  We had a snowball fight, made snow angels, and even built a HUGE snowman.  His name was Bradley!  Bradley the....nevermind.  LOL.  ;o)

12. Can you ice skate?  I always try but am not very good.  Last time I cut my fingers on the shoe laces.  THE SHOE LACES!  Who does that?!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?  The ones you don't expect are the best ever.  Trampoline and 3-wheeler come to mind.  Awe.  A few years ago my dad got me a framed Alabama picture that I had mentioned to him and never thought I'd get.  I was so surprised.  Stuff like that just about makes me cry.  Especially when I know he couldn't afford it.  My family is really kind of amazing.

14. What's the most important thing about the holidays for you?  EVERYTHING.  Celebrating Christ, our candlelight service, Christmas Eve at the Whitehead's, Friend's Christmas, Christmas with the roomies, Santa's house in Trussville with the blue lights, giving gifts that put a smile on someone's face.

15. What is your favorite holiday dessert?  Pam's Christmas Cookies and pecan pie.  No contest.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Christmas Eve with the Whitehead's!

17. What tops your tree?  This year it's a red snowflake.  It's beautiful.

18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Both, of course.  I love giving.  Especially when that person isn't expecting anything.  It makes my heart happy to see them surprised and happy.

19. What is your favorite Christmas song? Mary did you know?  OMG.  It's my favorite.

20. Candy Canes? Yuck or Yum? Yum...if they're fruity flavored.  :o)

21. Favorite Christmas show?  Elf, Christmas Vacation, The Family Stone

22. Saddest Christmas Song?  Christmas Shoes.  OMG.

This man's story had my heart tonight.

Amado is 33 years old and has been in the United States since the age of 13.  This man is amazing.  He always has a smile on his face.  He loves the United States.  He loves his family!  He loves his job and he loves teaching Spanish.  I had the privilege to hear a little bit of his story tonight.  It's a story that touched my heart.  So, I thought I'd share it with you.

Amado was born in Honduras.  He has 15 siblings in all.  10 of those are from Honduras and 5 are from the United States.  You see, Amado was adopted at the age of 13 by a family from Alabama.  A team went to Honduras on a mission trip one year and met Amado and his family.  Upon meeting him I'm sure their hearts hurt for them.  When Amado was 3 months old he contracted the Polio virus.  When they met him at the age of 13, he couldn't walk.  The virus attacked the muscles in his legs.  Amado could crawl and he had a wheelchair.  He had no use of his legs at all.  He said his knees were "locked".  So, this family decided they wanted to bring Amado to the United States if his family approved.  They would adopt him and take care of him.  His family agreed and Amado's life has been forever changed.  He had 3 surgeries on his knees and a year of very intense therapy.  He now walks with the assistance of forearm crutches.  We asked him if he could remember the day he took his first steps.  With a smile on his face he said, "July 20, 1990."  At this point I was really trying to hold back tears.  This man and his story had my heart tonight.  To know that his family gave up so much so that their son could have a better life blows my mind.  It had to be one of the most difficult things they've ever done.  It was a completely selfless act.  Some people might say they are crazy.  I say they had their son's best interests at heart.  Just think.  If they hadn't been willing to give Amado up...he probably wouldn't be walking today.  He'd still be wheelchair bound.  He'd still be in Honduras.  This man is very thankful for what he has.  He has two sets of parents and 2 sets of siblings and loves them very much.  He now has 5 of his siblings from Honduras living here in Alabama!!  His biological parents have been to visit but they don't want to live here permanently.  Their home is in Honduras.  That's where they want to be.  Amado's says this is his home now.  He goes to visit Honduras...but this is where he longs to be.  This is his home.  I'll close with Amado's last statement which just about sent me over the edge with emotion.  He said, "I'm thankful that I had polio.  If I hadn't had polio then I wouldn't be where I am today.  I wouldn't be in the United States."  I wish you could meet this man.  You'd find him to be just as amazing as I do.  I count myself blessed to know him...and to know just a tiny part of his amazing story.  :o)

Until next time...

James

The Ragamuffin Gospel

I bought this book a while back and I'm just now picking it up.  I shouldn't be reading it just yet because there are 2 others that I need to finish...but I felt it calling my name tonight.  So, I gave in and picked it up.  It's not very often that I allow myself "me time".  Tonight seemed to be the perfect night for it.  So...here I am.  I think this book is going to be pretty amazing.  I've read the foreword, testimony. and a word from the author so far and I'm already tearing up and have chills.  I just wanted to share what Brennan Manning had to say before I get started reading.

"The Ragamuffin Gospel was written for the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out.  It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other.  It is for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don't have it all together and are too proud to accept the handout of grace.  It is for the inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker.  It is for poor, weak, sinful men and women with hereditary faults and limited talents.  It is for earthen vessels who shuffle along on feet of clay.  It is for the bent and bruised who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God.  It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest disciples who admit they are scalawags.  The Ragamuffin Gospel is a book I wrote for myself and anyone who has grown weary and discouraged along the Way."

He was basically saying, "Jamie, this book is for you.  Read it.  Soak it in.  Let it allow God to work and move in your life.  Allow Him to change you and make you more like Him."

I'm gonna read some more now.  I'll keep you updated on what I think.  :o)

Until next time...

James

Looking for answers in all the wrong places.

I find myself surrounded by people that are looking for answers to their problems in all the wrong places.  I am included in this group from time to time.  We look to alcohol to cover up our sadness, only to wake up the next day just as sad as we were the night before.  And - now we feel a little sick.  We are looking for love like crazy and want it no matter what the cost.  This might mean an affair or just being with completely the wrong person because they're available at the moment.  We turn to food because all of our life it's been a constant.  Food has never let us down.  It's always good and always available thanks to the many fast food places around these days.  We turn to people to make us happy.  We think their affirmation will satisfy whatever void we are trying to fill.  We crave attention and acceptance.    We're not satisfied with what we have or have been given.  We want more.  We never have enough.  We are always searching.  Always.


I say "we" because all of us have been there at one time or another.  The sad thing is I already have what I need.  I already have what I was searching for.  I just choose to ignore Him a lot of the time.  I don't listen to that still small voice living inside of me.  I still turn to food to satisfy me.  And - let me tell you that satisfaction is fleeting.  It's not permanent.  Jesus Christ is the only One that can completely satisfy us.  He's the only One that can fill that void we are trying to fill.  In Him is our satisfaction.  In Him we will find everything we need.  We will find every answer we've been searching for.  He is what we're longing for...even if we don't realize it.


He is our rest.  "Come to Me, all you who are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28  


He is our peace.  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7


He is our comfort.  "For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.  Now may the God of patience and comfort grant you to be like-minded toward one another, according to Christ Jesus, that you may with one mind and one mouth glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Romans 15:4-6  "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."  2 Corinthians 1:3-4


He is our salvation.  "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved."  John 3:17  "Jesus answered and said to her, 'Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst.  But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.'"  John 4:13-14    "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come unto judgement, but has passed from death into life."  John 5:24


He is more than enough.  I want to LIVE this out in my life.  I want to be totally and completely satisfied with Christ.  He is all I need.  I want that to be evident in the life that I lead.  I'm not searching anymore.  I've found what I'm looking for and He's amazing.  He's everything I've ever dreamed of.  He loves me just the way I am.  He thinks I'm beautiful.  He wants me.  I can contact Him 20 million times a day and He won't care.  He always answers when I call.  He loves it when I laugh and He doesn't freak out when I cry.  He holds me as long as I need Him to.  He wants me....all of me.  He doesn't mind the baggage.  He's not afraid of my emotions.  He knows everything about me and He still chooses to love me.  He chose me.  Sometimes it's hard to believe that He could love me that much.  He died for me.  He died for me.  Jesus Christ died for me.  Can you believe that He chose to die for me?!  And - now He lives!  He's alive.  He's alive!  MY JESUS IS ALIVE!  Didn't I tell you He was amazing?!  I truly do serve a MIGHTY GOD.


I'm a lucky woman.  Blessed.  Saved.  Happy.  JOYOUS!


Until next time...
James

Things you may or may not know about me:

1.  Laughter is the most amazing thing...EVER.  It can turn any sour mood into a happy one.  It can make the sick forget about their illness, even if it is only for a little while.  Laughter is good for the soul.  It is most definitely the best medicine.  :o)

2.  When I get hot...I get a bit ill.  And - by ill I mean bad mood.  Just mean.  I don't know why and I'm sure I could control the anger but I don't.  I hate being hot.

3.  Surprisingly enough I do love the beach.  It's just one of God's beautiful creations that I love very much.  I could sit out there and listen to the ocean for hours.  Of course, if I do get hot...then I'm getting in the water if there aren't any jellyfish.  If jellyfish are present then I'm heading to the nearest pool to cool off.  As long as it's close enough to hear and see the ocean then I really don't care.

4.  I want to live in Colorado one day.  It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever visited.  I definitely fell in love with it while we were there.

5.  Houghton, Michigan has my heart.  We were there for only a week and I LOVED it.  I want to go back.  The people, the places, the food...everything was amazing.  If you ever get the chance to try a pasty I highly recommend it!  :o)

6.  I'm currently falling in love with the Spanish language.  I'm taking free classes through my job at the moment and planning to take Spanish 101 in the Spring.  I really want to learn this language and learn it correctly.  It's something I really plan on using in the future on a regular basis.

7.  I'm obsessed with clouds.  I think they're amazingly beautiful and just can't seem to take enough pictures of them.  It's a little ridiculous.  But - I'm totally okay with this obsession.  :o)

8.  Fall is my favorite season.  The leaves change color, pumpkins are carved, the weather starts to cool off, and there's college football!  OMG.  The fall rocks!

9.  My favorite house on the planet is in Trussville.  It has blue lights on it at Christmas and it just doesn't feel like Christmas to me until they turn those lights on.  For real.  It will be a sad day when they stop doing it...or worse...sell the house!  :(  Btw - it's where Santa Claus lives.  For real.

10.  Christmas makes my heart happy.  Lots of quality time spent with family and friends makes the hustle and bustle all worth it in the end.  I LOVE IT!

11.  I love that squeaky sound the guitar makes when you change chords sometimes.  It's amazing...and it makes me happy.


12.  I'm 28 years old and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  Sad...but true.


13.  God has blessed me with some of the best friends and family a girl could ever ask for.  I could never truly express how much I love them.  Believe me...I've tried.  It's impossible.


14.  I love with my whole heart.  I can't help it.  It's just the way I am.  It's the way I've always been.  Some say I can be intense.  This is true from time to time.  I just LOVE.  Sometimes it's wrong...and sometimes it's very right.  I'm working on finding the happy medium.  :o)


15.  I love the smell right after it rains.


16.  I also love the smell of freshly cut grass.  Awesomeness.


17.  I could eat Mexican food every single day.  For real.


18.  I have a cat named Fiona...and she's AMAZING.  She also has the smallest head...ever.  Hahaha.


19.  I'm messy.  I hate to admit it...but it's true.  Mess totally doesn't bother me.  Especially if it's clothing.  My clothes are EVERYWHERE.


20.  I watch movies over and over and over again.  If I like it...it's going to be watched at least 20 times.  Maybe not back to back.  But - you get the idea.  ::clears throat::  Julie and Julia.  ::coughs::  Twilight.


21.  Music makes my soul happy.  I love it SO much.


22.  I have more than one favorite color.  Hahaha.  It's always blue...or green...but sometimes it's orange...yellow...or red.  Hahaha.  I love color!!


23.  I have a million laughs...and almost all of them are loud.  :o)


24.  I hate water.  I know I need to drink it...but I almost never do.


25.  When it's my birthday I usually claim a full week of celebration.  Most of the time my friends are a little annoyed.  This year they went above and beyond to make my birthday super special.  IT WAS AMAZING.


I'm sure I could keep going but I'm going to stop at 25.  It seems like a  good number to end on!  


Until next time...


James

  

And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.

"Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt - a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.  Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships.  The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."  Joseph Nowinski

"I want some soul-deep security drawn from a source that never runs dry and never disparages us for requiring it. We need a place we can go when, as much as we loathe it, we are needy and hysterical.  I don't know about you, but I need someone who will love me when I hate myself.  And yes, someone who will love me again and again until I kiss this terrestrial sod goodbye."  Beth Moore

I believe for the most part...EVERYONE...is insecure about something.  Or - has been at one time or another.  They don't have to be big issues...insecurities can be small too.  I just refuse to believe I'm the only one that struggles with this from time to time!  What brings this up?  Well...I was at Lifeway with a friend recently because he needed some counselling material and while we were there I decided to let him do his thing and I'd just look around.  So I found a book I thought would be interesting.  And I figured it's definitely something I could pass along to some girlfriends of mine.  :o)  So...I made the purchase and I'm SO glad that I did!!  The book I'm reading is called So long, Insecurity! and it's written by Beth Moore.  I'm only 7 chapters into it and I've already read some pretty amazing stuff.  Beth's heart is for women but...a lot of this stuff applies to men as well.  Whenever I read something that I think is absolutely amazing I email a couple of friends of mine.  One is a woman...and one is a man.  I believe that the material I'm sending applies to both of them.  I wouldn't say the whole book applies to men.  Not at all.  But...there just so happens to be some pretty amazing stuff that would probably rock their world if they read it.  And - in the process they might just learn to understand women a little more.  Everyone's insecurites are different.  What you are insecure about might not be what I'm insecure about.  That's just the way it is.  BUT - that doesn't mean this book wouldn't help you as well.  She says that we're going to get to the "root" of where our insecurities are coming from.  I already have a pretty good idea but...we'll see.  I think it's important to find out the "why".  How are we going to fix it if we don't know where it all began?!  I'm going to get a little personal for a second.  I hope you don't mind.  :o)  A lot of my insecurites lie within my relationships.  It's not really anyone's fault.  That's just the way it's been for me.  It's also not fair to the person that I'm...hmm...well...attaching to.  I say attach because there's usually one person in my life that I will get a little "clingy" with.  No one has really ever called me out on it...until a few months ago.  Since this person has been in my life I've really learned a lot about myself.  Basically because he calls me out on my crap.  I'm very thankful for that, actually.  Everyone needs someone in their life who will call them out if necessary.  Especially if we don't realize what we're doing.  Which...I totally didn't.  I knew I was what I called "territorial" with my friends but that's it.  So, I believe God placed this man in my life to teach me a few things.  To teach me to let go.  To teach me to love differently.  To teach me to be less "intense".  AND - to teach me to give people their space.  Not everyone requires a whole lot of personal space...but some people do and I have to respect that.  :o)  So, I'm learning.  I'm a work in progress and that's okay with me.  I'm learning to do the hard things.  It's not always going to be easy...but it's not supposed to be now is it?!  Life isn't easy.  But - it can be an amazing journey if you allow it to be.  If you allow the Lord to use to the people that He placed in your life to teach you and to love you.  This means letting them love you THEIR WAY!  Not everyone will love the way you want or expect them to.  We're all wired differently.  The way I show my love for people isn't necessarily going to be the same way that you do.  And - THAT'S OKAY!  As long as we're loving like Christ has called us to love then that's really all that matters.  Don't you agree?!  Not everyone makes themselves as "available" as we'd like.  It's just the way some people are.  That doesn't mean they don't love us.  It just means they love us a little differently.  Love also requires sacrifice.  But - that's another topic for another day.


I'm really excited about what God is doing in my life right now!  It's actually kind of amazing.  But - I shouldn't be surprised by that!  I serve an AMAZING God!


I'm going to post some stuff from Beth's book below.  Enjoy!  And - thanks for reading!!!  :o)


*We ALL have insecurities.  They piggyback on the vulnerability inherent in our humanity.  The question is whether or not our insecurities are substantial enough to hurt, limit, or even distract us from profound effectiveness or fulfillment of purpose.  Are they cheating us of the powerful and abundant life Jesus flagrantly promised?  Do they nip at our heels all the way from the driveway to the workplace?  Scripture claims that believers in Christ are enormously gifted people.  Are our insecurities snuffing the Spirit until our gifts, for all practical purposes, are largely unproductive or, at the very least, tentative?


*We who are in Christ are never hopeless, never without recourse or divine help, even when our bodies are weak.


*Insecurity can result from a broken attachment of any kind, even one that seems relatively minor to others.  It if translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf.  Before we move on, remember to always think broadly when you're trying to analyze losses and their links to your insecurity.  Even the loss of face or respect through some kind of public shame can have an immense impact.  Wondering if everybody hates you takes no small toll on your soul.


*If you know Jesus Christ personally, He has chosen you, too, and has appointed you to accomplish something good.  Something that matters. Somethng prepared for you before time began (Ephesians 2:10).  Something meant to have a serious impact within your sphere of influence.


Perhaps, like me, somewhere deep inside you entertain the lie that you know yourself better than God knows you and that somehow you've successfully hidden something from His omniscient eye.  This could be the only explanation for why He bothers with you.  For those of us who tru to live in the light of Scripture, this thought process is far more subtle than outright.  Roots always extend underground.  Sometimes the only way we know one of these roots exist is when we see what's growing from it.  If we have false assumptions like, "If God really knew me, He wouldn't like me" hidden somehwere in our core, it will feed our insecurities like a zookeeper shoveling hay to an elephant.  We only know that assumption is there because something big, alive, and detructive is growing from it.


Intensity is a key factor in insecurity.  A fissure in a relationship might sting one person but devastate the other.  Obviously, the latter party is most likely the least secure.  Insecurity is not just about how many of the qualifications you possess.  It's about how much the ones you own really get to you.


*You and I are gong to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us.  Change will not come easy.  Old habits die hard.  But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems.


*I realized with fresh astonishment that, although we may have something unhealthy deep inside of us, those in whom Christ dwells also have something deeper.  Something whole.  Something so infinitely healthy that, if it would but invade the rest of us, we would be healed.


I don't know.  Maybe this isn't a big revelation to you, but I am so thankful that at no time since I received Christ as Savior have I ever been a total wreck.  Partial?  Lord, have mercy, yes.  Humiliatingly so.  But total?  Not on your ever-loving life.  And if He resides in you, neither have you (Romans 8:9).  Jesus is not unhealthy.  Not codependent with us.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  This thought never grows old to me:  He has no dark side.  In Him is no darkness at all.


That, beloved, is our challenge.  To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.  When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are.  And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17).

PS - I would've posted more but that wouldn't be fair to Beth Moore!  Go buy the book!  It's completely amazing!

Change. You're totally welcome here.

Change.  Why are we so afraid of it?  Everything changes.  That's what life and growing up is all about.  You go from depending on your parents for your every need to providing for yourself.  Then you're not just providing for yourself...you're providing for your family.  Everything at one point or another changes.  So...why does it literally rock our world sometimes when it happens to us?  I've gone through lots of changes these last few years.  Hair color, jobs, friends, living arrangements, etc.  Some changes were good.  Great even.  And - some not so good.  A hair color called "Paint the Town Red" comes to mind.  Hahaha.  Just picturing that bright red color on my head makes me laugh every single time.  But - I made it through alright.  I might have a few scars but at the end of the day...after all is said and done...I can honeslty say it was ALL worth it.  Every.  Single.  Decision.  It's made me who I am today.  I like who I am and who I'm becoming.  Well...for the most part.  ;o)  I'm learning what's important to me.  I'm learning what I'm willing to make sacrifices for.  I'm not saying I'm perfect.  NOT AT ALL.  I'm a work in progress.  I hope I always am.  Always learning.  Always changing.  Giving in and allowing the Lord to take control and mold me into the woman He created me to be.  That's what I want.  So...change isn't always bad.  It catches me off guard every time.  But - that's okay.  I'm learning to deal with it correctly.  You almost have to welcome it.  Change is good.  It's healthy.  It's necessary.  It just happens.  No need to freak out!  Just take deep breaths.  Hahaha.  I've been there. It doesn't do anyone any good to have a big emotional deal about it.  That just makes people think you're crazy!  :o)  You just kind of have to learn to let it roll off your shoulders.  No biggie.  Don't sweat it.  Before you know it...you'll be laughing at the way you reacted to it.  And - wondering why is was such a huge deal in the first place. I think a lot of the time we're just so terrified that our lives literally can't get any better than they are right now.  Or - we're afraid it's just going to get worse.  If we'd just learn to let go of it all...then our lives would be so much easier!  Oh, my gosh.  For real.  Do hard things. Let go.  Welcome changes!  You just might learn to love it!  :o)

Oh, hello change!  Come on in!  You're totally welcome here!  

Pride.

The following is about Pride.  It's taken directly from Beth Moore's book called:  So Long, Insecurity!

Enjoy!  :o)

I have come to the conclusion that we have no greater burden in all of life than our own inflated egos. No outside force has the power to betray and mislead us the way our own egos do. Pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking. Pride cheats us of intimacy, because intimacy requires transparency. Pride is a slave driver like no other, and if it can't drive us to destruction, it will drive us to distraction. Think about the madness this one little trait can cause:

If we can't be the most attractive, at least we can be the best at something. And if we can't be the best at something, we can at least be the hardest working. And if we can't be the hardest working, we can at lest be the most congenial. And if we can't be the most congenial, we can at least be the most noticeable. And if we can't be the most noticeable, we can at least be the most religious. And if we can't be the most religious, we can at least be the most exhausted.

And it never ends, because big egos insist on our being a "the." Not just an "a." We're that desperate for significance. We live our lives screaming, "Somebody notice me!" And do you want to hear something interesting? That's exactly how God made us.

That very need is built into our human hard drive to send us on a search for our Creator, who can assign us more significance than we can handle. He not only notices us, He never takes His eyes off us. Every now and then a moment of clarity hits us, and we feel known by something - Someone - of inestimable greatness. These words fell froma psalmist who experienced such a moment:

O LORD, You have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I'm far away. You see me wehn I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!
...You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered!                                       Psalm 139:1-6, 13-17

In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great. Our search is over and our egos silenced. We no longer need pride to drive us, because we've found something infinitely more fulfilling; purpose. He is the reason we are here. And finally our souls are at rest...until once again we forget. Pride is a driver, and it invariably drives us in the opposite direction than it promised.

Pride lives on the defensive against anyone and anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth. Confidence, on the other hand, is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away. That's what you and I are after, not an outbreak of bloated ego.

Humility is a crucial component in true security. It's teh very thing that calms the savage beast of pride. More importantly, humility is the heart of the great paradox: we find our lives when we lose them to something much larger.

Created in the image of God, we instinctively know that something enormous is within us. Pride is the result of mistaking eternal for the temporal. We end up looking up instead of looking up to look in. We get fixated on every self-gain and every self-loss until, in or inordinate self-protection, we end up licking our wounds to the point that they can't heal.

Pride. A root of insecurity if there ever was one. We will never feel better about ourselves by becoming more consumed with ourselves. Likewise, we will never feel better about ourselves by feeling worse about others. Superiority can't give birth to security. Neither, by the way, can the relentless pursuit of perfection. Perfectionism is perhaps our culture's biggest temptation. In his fascinating book Perfecting Ourselves to Death, psychiatrist and theologian Richard Winter offers this intriguing insight:

"Although perfectionists seem very insecure, doubting their decisions and actions, fearing mistakes and rejection, and having low opinions of themselves, at the same time, they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggests an aspiration to be better than others.

Most psychological explanations see the desire to be superior and in control as compenation for feelings of weakness, inferiority, and low self-esteem. But it could also be that the opposite is true; we feel bad about ourselves because we are not able to perform as well, or appear as good, as we really think we can. We believe we are better than others, but we keep discovering embarrassing flaws. Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Low self-esteem and pride coexist in the same heart."
Dr. Winter then goes on to quote psychologist Terry Cooper in this vivid snapshot of the coexisting odd couple:
"If I search around long enough, I'll find insecurity beneath my grandiosity and arrogant expectations beneath my self-contempt."

We are complex people indeed. Perfect messes. Pridefully insecure. But let me tell you what isn't complex: owning our own pride problem and confessing it to God. That's when He'll move it out of the way so we can deal with the roots of our insecurity we didn't plant. Until we sort the pride out of our insecurity, we can't, in very sense of the saying, see the forest for the trees. Everybody's got a pride problem. Owning it is a relief. Every time I do, I sense the glorious God-given relese that follows repentance, and I wonder what took me so long. I don't feel ashamed. I feel freed.

Fortunately pride is not hard to spot. It's not emotionally complicated like the effects of instability in the hones, significant loss, or dramatic change. It's ego, and we know it. In that very moment, we can whisper the words, "That nothing but pride. God, forgive me. Self, get over it." If I'm by myself, I don't whisper. I say it out loud like I mean it. Pride is one of those roots God can jerk up in a second. We just have to pry our sweet little fingers loose. Our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our own issues. In trying to relieve us of the whole concept of presonal sin, our culture's reordered values have cheated us out of the right to repentance and sublime restoration. They have hijacked our healing. A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away.

Ish...

Life has been good lately.  Really good.  Now...I've had my issues with certain people but that will happen from time to time.  


My birthday was a few weeks ago and it was...hands down...the best birthday I have ever had.  I got to spend time with just about everyone that I wanted to.  It was absolutely amazing.  Audra and Dave threw me the coolest birthday party known to man.  It was alien themed.  Yes, that's right.  Alien themed.  I pulled up to the yard and it was a crash sight.  With a UFO in the tree and everything.  It was awesome. I was really impressed.  This is also the first time ever that I really did have a full birthday week!  Hahaha.  I always claim a full week for celebration but this is the first time I haven't had to make people participate.  I just felt really special that week.  I can't say enough good things about it.  I loved every minute of it.  :o)  


So...like I said...life is good.  Real good.  I feel like I'm working on my issues.  Whatever they might be.  I think I've put some of them behind me and others are still waiting to be conquered.  But - I'm getting there.  Slowly but surely...I'm getting there.  Change is good.  I'm learning that.  Change can be real good!!

Andrea...

People come and people go.  That's just life.  Some stay for a while...others are just passing through...and some make a huge impact on you.  They make this imprint on your heart...your soul.  This blog is dedicated to one of those people.  My co-worker...my friend, Andrea, went on to be with Jesus on Thursday.  She was such a character!  Every new employee was put through Andrea's own "initiation".  Only she could decide when it was over and for some it never was.  You were lucky if she remembered your name.  Hahahaha.  And - some were placed on permanent probation.  :o)  She was an amazing woman.  I love her very much.  I'm not a morning person and she MADE me talk in the mornings.  She just about refused to go to her hall and get to work until I did.  Being with her was always fun.  Never a dull moment.  I'll miss her Happy Birthday song she would sing for us.  I'll miss her asking if I was evil this morning.  Hahaha.  I'll miss her complaining if we had Mexican food for lunch.  I'll miss getting her in trouble if she was eating something sweet.  I'll miss her laughter.  I'll miss her singing.  I'll miss her calling me to help her set up a new password for her email because she let the other one expire.  I'll miss her yelling down the hall, "Chart hunt, people!  I'm on a chart hunt!".  I'll miss her saying, "Good Mornin', PEOPLE!" when she came in the door.  I'll miss her calling because she was running late and asking me to clock her in so she wouldn't get fired.  I'll miss her calling on my line and acting like she was a rude patient trying to schedule an appointment.  I'll miss her asking me questions about my life...my roommates...my guy friends.  I'll miss her telling me that I was "fast".  Hahaha.  That statement makes me laugh so hard.  I'll miss her getting a new cell phone and having to show her how it works...or having to fix something she might have messed up.  I'll miss her stories.  I'll miss her birthday cards with coupons taped in them.  :o)  I'll miss her advice.  I'll miss her concern.  I'll miss her love.  I'll miss her.  I'll miss everything about her.  She was sunshine.  Everything was better when she was around.  Now...she was trouble too...but aren't we all sometimes?!  She was most definitely an amazing woman.  I count myself lucky to have known her for the past 2.5 years.  Our office won't be the same without her.  Andrea Long will most definitely be missed like crazy.

The Beginning.

These are some pictures from one of my favorite days since living with David and Audra.  Looking back these make me smile so much.  It was a very happy day!  We were hoping it would snow at least once so we could play in it but we never imagined it would really happen.  Especially since James had called for it a couple of times already and all we got was a "dusting".  So we hoped...but we didn't believe.  We left for work that morning wishing we'd all get to leave early.  Our wishes came true!  Yay!!!  Audra and Dave waited on me to get home so we could go play.  I felt like I was 5 years old all over again.  We had a snowball fight, built the most amazing snowman ever (his name was Bradley), and made snow angels.  It was SO much fun.  I've made lots of memories in this house.  Good ones.  Bad ones.  Funny ones.  Sad ones.  It's been amazing.  I'm going to miss it very much.  But - I know that God has a plan for me...for us.  His ways are higher than our ways.  And - His plans are perfect.  We just have to trust Him.  So...even though it will be sad when we move out in September I know that it is for the best.  I know and believe in my heart that better things are coming.  It was hard to see that reality a few weeks ago.  Now I'm clinging to it.  The best is yet to come.  I'm trusting in that!  I'm sure this won't be the last post regarding my amazing roommates.  So...get used to it!  I'll be posting pictures and sharing memories we've made together.  I count myself a blessed woman to know and have lived with these two.  I love them very much.  They've become family to me.  I'm going to miss them.  I'm going to miss this.  A lot.

When I Leave...

This is a song called When I Leave by JJ Heller.  It's completely amazing.  Enjoy!  :o)


Am I too busy chasing a temporary fortune
That my priorities get lost along the road
The seasons bring their moments
They linger for an instant
They never wait for you to pay the debts you owe

When I leave I want to leave a memory filled with love
The kind you don't forget
When I go I want to be known
As one who lived with no regrets

If life is like a flower
Am I doing all that's in my power
To leave a fragrance behind
It's time to count my blessings
Forget about my savings account for a while

I want them to say
What a glorious day
She had so much to gain
But she gave it away
And I want them to see something different in me
And that I'm going to be free

Some glad morning when this life is over
I'll fly away
To a home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away
When I leave I want to leave a memory... 

Change. I hate it...but it's completely necessary.

A friend of mine looked at my pictures the other day and made this statement:  "Jamie...you're always looking up!"  This is usually true.  I am in love with clouds.  They are absolutely beautiful to me.  Especially when the sun is peeking through...because I feel like I can see heaven.  It's just something I've always loved.  I've taken hundreds of pictures of clouds.  It's completely ridiculous.  :o)  AND - I'm a pretty positive person for the most part.  I consider myself to be funny and I love laughter.  Laughter is one of my favorite things...EVER.  I do consider it to be the best medicine.  Especially for someone that is sad or upset about something.  Laughter can almost instantly cure that.  :o)  It's completely amazing.  Anyways...so the past couple of weeks I haven't been looking up.  I've been worried and afraid of what the future has in store for me.  I haven't been trusting that the Lord will work it all out or even thought that the direction I'm going in just might be His plan for me.  I've been completely selfish in my thinking.  ME, ME, ME, ME!  At some point I stopped looking up and started listening to the things the enemy was telling me.  Like...I'm worthless and unwanted.  The reason this is happening now is because my friend doesn't care about me anymore.  He doesn't want or need me in his life.  Blah, blah, blah!  LIES!  They're all lies.  I am choosing not to listen to the enemy anymore.  I'm not worthless!  I am wanted!  I am worth it!!  I know in the end we will have a better friendship.  I know in the end this will be a good thing.  For me...for everyone.  It's sad.  Yes.  But - that's okay.  This chapter is coming to and end.  But - a new one is going to begin!!  I believe very much that it's going to be better than the last.  I'll be happier.  More independent.  Free of debt.  This just might change my life forever.  For real.  I'm a little nervous...I'm not gonna lie.  BUT - I'm excited to see what the future has in store.  This change is good.  It has to be!  :o)  So I'm looking up.  It's just what I do.  It's what comes naturally to me.  It's what I need to do.  Looking up to the beauty of God's plan.  I want to walk in His ways...even when I don't completely understand them.  He knows what's best.  I trust Him.  He's in control here.  My life...my path...I'm in His hands.  Is there a better place to be?!  I don't think so.  No way!!  He's totally got this.  He knows what He's doing!  He's cool that way.  :o)  I have a feeling that this is going to be amazing.  For real.  It has to be!  I'm trusting that it will be.  I know it will be!!!!

Temptation

Pictured above are just a few of the things that are delivered to our office on any given day.  Pure temptation.  That's what that is.  It's completely ridiculous that people bring this crap to us...and in such a large volume!  All of those desserts were delivered at one time...in the same day...by the same drug rep.  Really?!  Can't you look around and see that isn't what we need?!  How about some fruit?  Or a veggie tray?!  Good grief.  What it really comes down to is this:  Is it worth it?  All of those desserts are from Edgars.  Anything from Edgars is absolutely amazing.  BUT - is it really worth it?  Yes...it's going to be good.  Yes...it's going to taste amazing but if it causes me to gain weight....is it really worth it?  NO!  It's totally not worth it at all.  So...I resist temptation.  Am I always successful?  Not every time, no.  But for the most part I am able to just walk away from things like this.  It gets easier over time.  You just have to decide what you want more.  Weight loss and health...or a little pleasure that only lasts a second.  It's not easy...not at all.  It does get better though...easier with time.  That fact alone makes my soul happy.  :o)

I haven't been on track like I should the past couple of months but as of June 1st I am!  David issued me a challenge.  He challenged me to a true Subway challenge.  The only place I can eat out is Subway.  Otherwise I have to make my meals at home.  I'm doing this the whole month of June and when I accomplish this I win all of his dvd's.  Hahahaha!  I am so excited!  :o)  This is day 13 and I'm not going to say it's been easy.  It's been really difficult.  When I go out with my friends I either have to pick up Subway or make sure I've eaten before meeting them.  Then I get the pleasure of sitting there while they eat their delicious food.  Delicious and very unhealthy.  So...not only am I saving money BUT I'm making healthier decisions too!  I also started working out with a personal trainer last week.  My friend and I will meet with him at least once a week.  We've had 2 sessions with him and he has kicked our butts both times.  I'm usually sore for a few days after.  I have to admit...I love the pain.  :o)  It lets me know that I'm doing something right!  The goal is to be in the gym 3 days a week.  That's totally doable I just have to make it happen.  Luckily I have a friend to go with me so that makes it easier.  It gives me motivation to go.  It MAKES me go because I know I've told her that I would.  For some reason I need that push.  I need that commitment.  I need to know that if I cancel then I'm letting someone down.  I signed a 6 month contract so I'll be with my personal trainer until December and then I'll decide if I want to sign another.  I can't wait for December to get here so I can see my results!!!!!  :o)  I'm super excited!  I have a feeling it's going to be amazing.  For real.

Choices...

I know you don't understand me.  I don't understand me.  I heard those words when I got home today.  Grey's Anatomy was on and those were Meredith's words to Derek.  I've felt that way lately.  Especially today.  Misunderstood.  I hate that.  I feel like I wear my heart on my sleeve most days and maybe that's a bad thing.  You can always tell what mood I'm in by looking at my face.  It's written there.  Always.  No matter how hard I try to hide it...I can't.  It's almost impossible.  So...I'm emotional.  Yes.  It's a part of who I am.  But - I should be able to control it.  For the most part I think that I'm able to.  Sometimes...not so much.  The past two days have been super emotional for me.  I hate that.  I don't like crying.  It makes me feel weak.  I don't know what my problem is!  I just feel like I care too much about people.  WAY TOO MUCH!  You see...I have this problem.  I love people with my whole heart.  It's the way I've always been. A part of me hopes that never changes.  But another part wants it to change so badly.  I like loving people...doing stuff for them.  Making them smile.  It makes my heart happy.  But it's become something really unhealthy.  It's become something that has begun to hurt me.  It's become something that can potentially hurt others.  It's definitely something that I need to control...or rather give to God and let Him completely take over.  My heart does belong to Him after all.  It was bought at a price.  My life...my heart...my decisions...my everything is no longer my own.  It's His!  Gosh.  Sometimes I feel like I have the same realizations over and over again.  This is one of them.  If I know this already then why do I continue to let it happen?!  It doesn't make any sense.  It's the same with my quiet time.  I know I should have one.  But - I've never had a consistent one.  EVER.  My problem is priority.  I put everything and everyone else before my God.  Before my Jesus.  Before the One who died for me.  Before the One who saved my soul.  It's crazy.  He's the only One who will never leave me.  He's the One who knows me.  He knows my every thought.  He knows what's best for me...even if I don't.  I matter to Him!  He's the only One who will love me no matter what.  His love is unconditional.  His love is amazing.  His love.  There's nothing like His love.  You'll never be able to find anything that compares.  We think that we can.  We might even think we already have.  It's not possible.  His love is one of a kind.  It's special.  It blows my mind.  If all of that is true (and it is) then why do I continue to make the decisions that I do.  Why am I not guarding my heart?  Why do I let everyone in?  Sometimes I literally feel like my chest is open and my heart exposed for anyone and everyone to do what they want with it.  Some handle it delicately.  Others...not so much.  This could all be avoided, of course.  I just have to make the decision to follow Christ.  To follow Him no matter what the cost.  To choose Him above all else...above everyone and everything.  So that's where I am right now.  It's time to make a decision.  Do I continue to let others rule over my heart...or do I return it to the One it really belongs to anyway?!!  I choose Christ and I know I'll NEVER be the same again.  :o)

What do I know of Holy?

On my way home from church today I listened to a song I've heard a million times.  It's one that I love.  But - for some reason...today it opened my eyes to things about me that it never has before.  So...I'm going to share the lyrics with you!  :o)  Enjoy!


I've made You promises a thousand times. 
I tried to hear from heaven but I talked the whole time. 
I think I made You too small. 
I never feared You at all.  No. 
If You touched my face would I know you? 
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?
 
What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? 
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean? 
Are you fire?  Are you fury?  Are you sacred?  Are you beautiful? 
What do I know?  What do I know of Holy?
 
I guess I thought that I had figured You out. 
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
how You were mighty to save. 
But - those were only empty words on a page. 
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be. 
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.
 
What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion? 
Where have I even stood but the shore along Your ocean? 
Are you fire?  Are you fury?  Are you sacred?  Are you beautiful? 
What do I know?  What do I know of Holy? 


What do I know of Holy? 
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame? 
And a God who gave life it's name? 
What do I know of Holy? 
Of the One whom the angels praise? 
All creation knows Your name. 
On earth and heaven above...what do I know of this love?


That's me.  I've made Him promises a thousand times.  I tried to hear from heaven...but I talked the whole time.  I think I made Him to small.  I've never feared Him at all.  No.  Hmm...it just really made me think.  What do I know?  I love when it says, "Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.  The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees!"  Isn't that usually how it goes?  Haha.  My God is amazing.  I love how He can use something simple...like a song I've heard a million times and use it to speak to me.  What do I know of this love?  I know that He takes me as I am.  He sees me...and wants me anyway.  He has prepared a path for me to take!  He loves me that much!  He thinks the small things are important.  He cares about me!  He loves me!  He will never leave me!  He will never abandon me!  He satisfies me!  HE IS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!  I told a friend the other day what my favorite thing about the Lord was.  Want me to share it with you?  Okay.  My favorite thing about Him is this:  Jesus is on His throne.  He's stable and He's able.  He is more than enough.  He's not shaken by the things of this world...even if we are.  He's in control.  He's got us in His hands.  :o)  I take comfort in that.  He's always there.  When we fall...He'll be there to pick us back up and dust us off.  He's completely AMAZING!  He's worth it.  He deserves our best.  He deserves more than I could ever give Him. I'm not worthy.  I never will be.  BUT - He loves me anyway.  :o)  It still blows my mind.  I hope it always does! 

AMAZED BY YOU!!

Here's what's been going on with me...in my heart...and in my soul.  


I let people consume me.  It's a bad habit and it's something that God is trying to break me from.  I was reminded yesterday that God wants me to be consumed with Him.  I'm trying to satisfy myself with everything but the ONE who can truly satisfy me.  I mean...I know this.  I know that He should be my satisfaction.  I know that He should be the One I run to.  I know that if my dad isn't there for me the way I want him to be that my Lord will be my Daddy.  What I'm missing in my life and in my relationships...He can fill that void.  My Jesus will never leave me.  He walks with me every day.  He's always there and His love is unconditional.  He is my Father, my Daddy, my Savior, my Healer, He is the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords, the Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End!!  My God is HUGE!  :o)  He loves us enough to place us on this path.  This perfect path that HE created for us!  How amazing is that?!  He loves us enough to place the people in our lives that we need...ones that will teach us and help us grow into the people that HE created us to be.  I'm amazed by His love.  NO ONE will ever love us more than Him.  I know and believe all of these things...yet I choose to put others before Him.  I make decisions that I know I shouldn't.  I turn to others instead of Him.  I'm just now getting back into the routine of talking with my Lord everyday.  I find it comforting...and so peaceful.  I love talking to Him.  It makes my heart and soul happy...NO...joyous!  :D  I can call on Him anytime.  He is always there.  He listens to every word.  He knows my heart.  He knows my every thought and action and He chooses to love me anyway.  I think that's so AMAZING!  I don't deserve it.  None of us do...but we have it available.  The One who formed the heavens and the earth...who created you and me and knew us before we were formed...HE IS AVAILABLE TO US!!  He wants us!  He created us to love Him...to glorify His name.  A friend once told me this:  "God knew what I would do and the decisions I would make before I was ever born and He still chose to create me."  That statement really made me think.  He knew.  He knew that I would be this sinner...saved by grace.  He knew that I would mess up...EVERY SINGLE DAY.  He knew that I would put others before Him.  He knew that I would make wrong decisions from time to time.  He knows what I'll do in the future.  He knows all of that and He still wanted me.  He wants me!  HE DIED FOR ME!!!!!  Will anyone really ever love us like that?  With that type of passion?  With that type of committment?  NO WAY!  It isn't possible.  Man's love is conditional for the most part.  That's just the way it is.  God's love is completely different.  We're so underserving but He loves us anyways.  It just amazes me.  For real.