Rage Against the Machine...

I'm more selfish than I realize most days.  I don't know if it's just in subtle ways or if I'm completely oblivious but today it hit me right in the face and it definitely took me by surprise.  I guess I usually pride myself on being giving and such when in reality we are all selfish in our own ways.  I may be willing to give of my time or in a monetary way but ask me to do something that doesn't align with my plan and eventually my temper gets the best of me.  It may not last long... but the anger is still there and it shouldn't be.  What happened to mercy and grace?  What happened to forgiveness?  Where is the love?!  Why can't I just roll with it?  I have a friend that tells me at least once a week... "You're just not chill, Jamie.  You're not like me.".  I usually laugh it off but tonight...I see that he's right.  I'm not chill.  I don't let things go easily.  I am easily angered.  I am easily irritated.  My fuse is sometimes short.  All of these things depend on who I'm dealing with or which day it is, of course, but that's no excuse.  So - why do I sweat the small stuff?  I don't want to.  I don't want to care.  I don't want to let things get to me.  I hate that they do.  It makes me feel crazy.  I wish I could just be okay with whatever comes my way but some days....sometimes... it's just hard...and it can get the best of me.  But - it shouldn't.  I could say what I always say here...  No one is perfect.  We all make mistakes.  I'm a sinner.  Blah, blah, blah.  I could use that as an excuse 'til the day I die... OR... I can do something about it.  I can be active in trying to destroy that sin nature in me.  I can be more aware of what or who triggers that type of reaction and dig deep and find out the WHY of it all.  I'll never be perfect.  That statement is true.  But - I can choose to seek Christ in all I do and know that He can and will change me.  Sound like a plan?  I think so and I think it's the only one that will work.