I am not okay.

I can't describe it... but it's not good.  I am far from being okay and I hate it.  I don't know how to fix it.  Or - how to walk away from it.  I feel like I could seriously sleep for days and that be okay.  Disconnect from everything and everyone and be fine.  I'm tired.  I'm sad.  I'm broken.  I'm angry.  I'm bitter.  I'm hurt.  My heart hurts.  My soul aches.  I hate this but I let it happen.  I don't stop it, confront it, or pray about it.  I'm just here.  Going through the motions but not really living.  Not really feeling.  Not really me.  And - I feel like I'm surrounded by people that don't notice.  They're unaware that something just isn't right.  I always say "You can tell what mood I'm in by looking at my face.  It's written there.  I can't hide it." and that's true for the most part.  But - what if it's something deeper?  Something that's not on the surface.  Something more.  I guess I can't blame them though.  Because honestly... sometimes I'm not aware until I'm knee deep in it.  And - that's when I notice somethings wrong.  Something isn't right.  I guess the important question is this:  Do I give up?  Or - do I fight?