It Takes a Little Time Sometimes...

It's been quite some time since I actually wanted to be at church. 


When I realized Rick probably wasn't going to get better I got mad.  and - because of that anger I didn't want to be at church.  I didn't want to hear how God was good because, at the time, I didn't believe it.  Because that same God that was supposedly good wasn't good to me.  He was letting a man I loved, more than I love most, die.  and - I couldn't stand it.  I couldn't understand it.  I couldn't comprehend why He was letting someone that was so GOOD... someone that loved the Lord with all that he was... someone that would've devoted the rest of his life to sharing the gospel with others... He was just letting him die.  So - I was mad.  I was angry.  Okay, let's be real.  I was FURIOUS.


It's been almost 7 months since Rick left us and it's still difficult.  Thankfully my anger has faded.  But - I still miss him.  All the time.  I don't know that that will ever go away.  And - that's okay.  I don't want it to.  

The good news is today... today was the first time I was at church and I was okay with it.  I wasn't there to avoid the "Where are you?!"  or the "I'm disappointed." texts.  I wanted to be there.  I enjoyed it.  and - I think that's a good thing. 


Today was the start of something new and I couldn't be happier about that fact.


It takes a little time sometimes... to get back to who you were... who you are... who you were meant to be..... and I think I'm finally on the path to being me again.  and - it's a me that I've missed. 


The future is bright today.  It's bright and glorious and beautiful.  and - I'm excited about that!


Feeling better today than I did yesterday,
James