A Different View.

Many of you know that I have a "second" family.  I can't tell you exactly how long we've known each other... or where it all began.  All I know is that at some point I became their "Dah Dah" and they became my "Fajah" and "Momma".  Not very many understand our relationship.  Some never will completely get it.  But - basically... God put us on a collision course and my life hasn't been the same since.  Things haven't been so great with them lately.  But - today I was able to spend some time with my "Momma" and it made me realize exactly how much I truly do MISS them.  I miss them like crazy.  So - I'm going to start making a huge effort to be with them more.  Relationships sometimes call for sacrifice.  So - I'm willing to do that.  I'm willing to sacrifice in order to be with them.  It may not be easy... and it may not be fun... but I know without a doubt that it will be worth it.  I wish you could know them like I do.  I wish more than anything you could understand.  But - I don't know that you can.  I don't know that you ever will.  And - that's okay.

I wrote yesterday about love and walking away.  I realized today that... Rick isn't choosing to walk away.  He's loving me the only way he knows how... and that's by stepping back... and letting me make my own decisions.  In doing so... he's also guarding his heart.  I know he's hurting.  I can see that.  And - it makes me so sad to know that I'm the one hurting him.  He wants what's best for me.  And - he thinks he knows what that is.  I guess most parents think they know what's best for their child.  He wants to protect me.  But - he can't.  So - I'm understanding a little more the "why" in all of this.  Understanding.  That's all I've wanted.  And - now I have it.  I may not understand it all... but understanding just a little eases the pain of this heart of mine.  I believe in time things will be just fine.  I just have to be patient.  I have to choose love.  I have to choose grace.  I have to choose forgiveness.  I have to seek Christ in all of this and trust that He knows what's best.  So - that's exactly what I'm doing.  I choose Christ.  and - I trust that no matter what happens... His plans are HIGHER than mine.  Because they are.