Ramblings...

So...this is where I am.  


I moved out in december and I have 2 of the most amazing roommates.  For real.  I'm loving church now more than I have in the past few months.  I believe God is moving in my life right now.  I count myself blessed.  I really do.


Now...onto my struggle.  My weight loss.


This is the issue I'm going to camp out on for a little while.  I've completely stopped working out.  :(  I'm not super strict on my diet at this point in time but I do make good choices for the most part.  I do want to start back I just have absolutely NO motivation whatsoever.  I don't know why.  How did I get here?  I was so excited a few weeks ago.  I was doing so well.  What happened?  Gosh.  I don't know.  I keep blaming it on the fact that I need someone to push me.  I mean...I  need someone to push me.  I need someone to make me workout.  I also need to NOT need that.  Does that make sense at all?  I guess I need to learn to rely on myself.  I know what to do.  Obviously.  What I was doing was working pretty well.  So...why can't I just do it?  Why can't I just make myself go to the gym after work?  Why isn't that on my list of priorities right now?  Why don't I care more?  I want to be healthy.  I want to do this on my own.  I want all of these things but I'm not putting forth the effort to accomplish them.  That doesn't make sense!  If I want this SO bad then I should be busting my tail to reach my goal!  UGH!  I'm so frustrated with myself!  I just want to go back.  I want to have the mind set I had before.  Pure determination.  I was so strong.  I didn't waiver in my decisions.  I was focussed.  So...what happened?  I'm becoming lazy again.  I hate that.  I don't want to be lazy.  I want to workout.  I want to LOVE exercise.  I want to eat healthy.  So...that's what I need to do.  That's what I want to do.  So...I'm going to do it.  This week is my new beginning.  I hope it goes well.  For real.  I don't know if I can handle disappointment right now.  The goal is to go to the gym at least 3 days this week.  I'm paying for it and I should be using it.  I plan to take my lunch everyday this week and NOT eat out at all.  Gosh.  That's going to be so hard!  I can do it.  I can SO do this.  It's not going to be easy but it can be done.  Anything is possible with the Lord on my side.  I know He wants me to be healthy as well.  My body is His temple and I've been abusing it for 27 years now.  I think it's time that stops.  I can't be the person I was before I started this journey.  I don't want to be her again.  I can't be her again.  She was sad and lazy.  She was miserable with the way she looked but didn't want anyone to know it.  She was so self conscious about her appearance all of the time.  She didn't love herself at all.  She was weak and vulnerable.  She wanted everyone to think she was SO strong all of the time when in reality she was so fragile.  I don't want to be that person anymore.  I can't.  I love who I was becoming.  I was confident and strong.  I was determined and happy.  It wasn't a facade anymore.  It was just me.  So...this is a new week.  I'm going to start again...fresh.  It's going to be AMAZING!  I can't wait to see what happens!  :D


Hmm...I think I'm sounding like myself again.  I hope this week goes well!  :D