Well...I cheated and weighed a little early but that's ok! I don't mind that at all. I'll weigh again on Monday so we know where I really am but as of right now...I'm at -34 lbs. :D Whooo hoooo! The fact that I've stuck with it this long still amazes me. For real. I mean...I'm not saying that I've been perfect everyday. If that was the case my number would be much higher. I am saying that I'm very aware of what I eat everyday. I was aware before...I just didn't care. That's so sad. I didn't care. All of these years I ate, for whatever reason, and didn't care about my health. I cared what people thought sometimes but for the most part I did not. I guess at some point I should talk about why I'm overweight. How did I let myself get to this point?! What was the cause exactly?
Well...let's address that a little shall we? The following is not going to be super detailed. I'm going to need to think about the full details before I'm able to write about everything. I hope you're not super disappointed! :D Enjoy!
I haven't always been heavy. It started around 2nd or 3rd grade...I think. I could look through pictures and figure it out but for now I'll just guess. :D After that I always struggled with my weight. Always. I don't know why my parents chose to ignore what was happening. Maybe they didn't know any better. Maybe they thought as I got older I would grow out of it. Well...if that's what they thought then they were way off. Surprisingly enough...even though I was overweight I was still very active. I played softball for 6 years or so. I was a natural and I LOVED it. I really did. During that time I did gain some weight but not a great amount. After I quit playing softball the weight started coming on again. I'm not really sure at what point I decided food was comfort but that's what it became to me. It was strictly an emotional thing. It didn't matter what emotion either. Happy, sad, angry, upset, confused, bored, etc. It didn't matter what emotion I was feeling...I knew food would always make me feel better. I can remember my parents talking to me about my weight a couple of times. By that time it was way too late. It never went well. It was just the way they said things. It's like they couldn't approach the subject without making me feel like complete and total crap. So eventually they stopped talking to me about it at all. Dad would still make the occassional comment, "You know you're never gonna find a husband if you stay this way." Gosh. Thanks for the encouragment dad! Comments like that definitely didn't help. I would get defensive and say something like, "Well...if he's not going to love me just because I'm fat then I don't want to be with him! He should love me for who I am...not just what I look like. If I was thinner I'd still be the same person...just a different weight." I still think that's true but I had a conversation with a friend the other day that really shed some light on the subject for me. He said that I wouldn't be the same person. I said myself that being overweight was a "head thing". I still believe that is the case for most. So he's right when he says that I wouldn't be the same. I would be different in more ways than just my weight. I believe that now I would be the same person. I'm working through my issues and acknowledging the fact that food is strictly nutritional. It's what my body has to have to survive. Period. Now...I still love it. I don't think that will ever go away. I'm just in control now. I stop when I'm full and before I get sick. :D That's huge! I don't eat fast food anymore. If I do it's Chick Fil A or Subway. My bad meal that I allow myself once a week is Mexican. I LOVE IT and I'm so NOT willing to give that up just yet. Actually, I don't know that I will ever be able to give that up. We shall see! :D I'm doing this without surgery or pills. The only assistance I have is from the Lord and the friends that hold me accountable. I've been on this journey for almost 12 weeks now. I seriously can't wait to see where I am in 12 more! :D I get super excited just thinking about the possibilities.
I can't wait to update again on Monday! Hopefully I'll be down at least 35 lbs!
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