That statement is sad but true. These days I feel so much better after I blog. So...it's probably going to be a daily thing for a while. Well...at least during the week. It seems to make my day at work a little better if I write. So...here it goes! :D
I've never been one to enjoy alone time. EVER. It's not one of my favorite things and too much alone time can really make me sad....borderline depression. For real. I don't know why. I just like people. It's probably because I have abandonment issues but we'll talk about that another day. To be honest if I was around people 24/7 that would be okay with me. Some people aren't like that. Lately I've noticed that I don't mind being alone as much as I did. At work I've really started to enjoy having lunch by myself. It's really...calming and nice. I have time to do what I want and not feel rushed at all by the people that might have gone with me. I get to go where I want without anyone trying to change my mind. It also helps me think. Think about what? EVERYTHING. Hahaha. No, seriously. I think this may become my routine for a while. Bring my lunch...chill by myself...maybe read a book...blog a little...then go back to work and finish out the day in a better mood than I started it with. If I could be a morning person that would be terrific but my first thought when waking up in the morning is: "I just need a little more sleep. I don't wann go to work!" Hahaha. It's really kind of hilarious. I mean...I really thought I would grow out of this but obviously not. I'm usually nice and sometimes talkative at home in the mornings but once I get to work I go back to the "I'm not a morning person. Please don't talk to me until after 10am" person. Today my co-worker started talking to me as soon as I walked in the door. She was asking questions she could've found the answer for herself. Just chatting away with no response from me. I finally had enough and as nice as I could and in the most pitiful voice I could muster said, "Why do you find it necessary to talk to me right now? I'm not a morning person. ::sighs::". I did try to say it nice...but...it came out in a whine. I was afraid I would hurt her feelings and I might have but I had to stop her. I couldn't take it. She was really making my blood pressure rise. Hmm...I got off subject a little. Let's get back on track! :o) Okay...so...I also don't mind walking by myself anymore. Monday it was so beautfiul outside that I decided I would totally walk by myself. I got my iPod and headed out the door. The time flew...and it was just me and my music...and Jesus. Yesterday David and I walked together. We talked a little. It was nice. Walking with someone is way better...but...I seriously don't mind walking alone now. The plan is to walk again today. I'm actually looking forward to it! Awe...look at me...growing a little....changing for the better. For real. Since I've been living with my roommates I've changed a lot. At least I think I have. I also think these changes are good! Some might disagree...but that is also a subject for another day. I love my life. If I had to do it all over again I'd want to be right where I am and I'd make the same choices just to ensure that I would get there. My mistakes and my right choices got me here. I am truly a blessed woman. Of course there are things I regret that are in my past...who doesn't have things they wish they could take back?! But...in the great scheme of things...if those bad decisions led me where I am today then I'm thankful for those experiences in a way. Weird, huh?
Most of the above was written on Tuesday. So...it had to be edited a little. My day started out kind of crazy. Here's what happened: Today started out kind of stressful and such. I got up like usual at 6am and took a shower. Then I went to my bedroom to grab my phone so I could keep an eye on the time. I saw that my dad had called twice and left me a message. Strange. I listened to the voicemail first and he sounded out of breathe. He said he thought he was having a stroke and asked me to please call him back. Hmm....so I called him and sure enough HE WAS DRIVING HIMSELF TO THE ER! What?! Who does that?! He had been having chest pain and left arm pain since 3am and it was pretty bad. Just so you know...my dad NEVER goes the the doctor. NEVER. The only time I can remember him going is when he's gotten hurt and didn't have a choice. So for him to choose to go to the ER himself meant something was terribly wrong. Now...after hearing his symptoms I knew he was wrong in his diagnosis. Those weren't symptoms of a stroke. Those were symptoms of a heart attack. My dad is a very healthy looking man. At least I think so. He's a got a small belly. He's not fat by any means. He doesn't eat right though...AT ALL and he smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day. That's right people...2 PACKS A DAY. I've tried talking to him about quitting. It's useless. A waste of breathe actually. He's not going to quit. He says he never will. Maybe this will make him change his mind. So I make 2 phone calls...one to Rick (my other father) and one to my manager. Then I run to my room to dry my hair and throw some clothes on. By that time my roommates should be waking up so I walk out of my room and knock on David's door. I tell him what's going on and start crying, of course. Audra hears me and comes out asking what in the world is going on. I grab my things and run out the door...promising to call them with any updates. Once I get to the ER dad seems to be doing fine. He tells me to just go to work because he doesn't think they are going to keep him. Hahaha. That's what he thought. I informed him I wasn't going anywhere and that I think he's had a heart attack. Rick shows up a few minutes later and we all talk for a little while. Finally the nurse confirms that it was indeed a heart attack and that they were going to admit him so they could run further tests. This did not make my dad happy. He asked if he could have one last cigarette and she told him no. He then asked if I could go get McDonald's for him. She told him no to that one as well. He was NOT happy! He informed her that "This is why people don't like hospitals.". She told him that since he was going to be admitted for heart problems that he would be on a special diet. A diet low in cholesterol and sodium. McDonald's did not fall into either of those categories. So...he'd be on yummy hospital food for the next couple of days. They admitted him and transferred him to the SICU. They did a catscan and will do an arteriogram tomorrow. They also have him on blood thinners. Right now he's doing just find and I totally believe he will stay that way. It was just a little frightening. I hate getting those calls because you never know what you're going to find out once you get to the hospital. So...that's how my day started out. It wasn't pleasant but I praise God that my dad is okay. For real.
Well...I know this is a long post but it is 2 days in the making! :o) I hope you didn't fall asleep while reading it! Hahahahaha.
~James
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