Choosing to Love...

I'm a Christian.  I consider myself to be a giving, loving person.  But...I think that's conditional for the most part.  I guess that's how most of us are but it shouldn't be that way.  I mean...I'm not loving and giving to EVERYONE.  I love those who are close to me with everything that's in me but when it comes to others I sometimes find myself wondering why it's so hard to just be "nice" to certain people.  I'm called to LOVE...right?!  It's more difficult than it seems.  There are just some people that I literally want to shake or slap in the face!  :o)  I don't mean for that to sound terrible...but you can take it however you like.  What has inspired this exact topic?  Work.  My job is driving me crazy.  I hate it.  I don't want to be there.  I don't want to think about it.  I literally can't stand where I work right now.  Will it get better?  Goodness...I hope so.  How long is that gonna take?  I have no idea.  All I do know is that a job shouldn't be affecting my mood so much.  I wake up happy...for the most part...but as soon as I walk in the door at work my whole demeanor changes.  It's like I'm a totally different person altogether.  People are starting to notice.  My manager asked me today if I wask "okay".  I wanted to say, "What do you think?  Do I look okay?  Is this the Jamie you usually see?!  NO, I'M NOT OKAY.  I hate this place.  I hate that we're short staffed...EVERY SINGLE DAY!  I hate that it seems like you don't care.  I hate everything about being here!!!"  Did I say that?  NO.  Would I?  Probably...if she caught me at a bad time.  What I did say was this:  "No.  I'm just stressed out to the max.  It's terrible.  It's really bad."  She said she understood and she was stressed as well and apologized for it being that way.  Blah, blah, blah.  At least she acknowledged the fact that it was completely crazy.  It made me feel a little better.  Then there's my co-worker.  SHE LITERALLY DRIVES ME CRAZY!  She's the sweetest thing you'll ever meet...and if you needed anything that she was able to give you then she would.  She's selfless.  She's also terrified of getting in trouble and making anyone mad.  Which means she's a brown noser.  She talks to me as soon as I walk in the door and continues throughout the day.  She keeps talking to me even when I'm not responding.  She asks me questions that she could find the answer for herself.  She pretends to be an idiot but she's not.  All of these things...drive me crazy...and make me want to shake her.  For real.  Is that what I should do?  No way!  I should be loving her.  I should be listening to her and responding to her instead of acting like a 5 year old who doesn't want to be where I am and wants to go home.  I know that.  So why don't I do it?  Why don't I love when I know that's what I'm called to do?  Because it's difficult.  Because I don't want to.  Can you imagine me stomping my foot and pitching a fit right now?  That's what I feel like I do on a daily basis.  No...I really don't stomp my foot and pitch a fit but you know what I mean.  It shouldn't be this hard to get along with someone.  I guess everyone has that person or persons that drive them crazy.  I do have a few but really only one at work.  I know I can overcome this struggle to love.  Christ in me can teach me how.  I want Him to show me how.  I don't want to be a person that comes home angry because of her job.  I want to leave work at work.  It's just a job...right?  I don't think a job is ever just a job.  The people there end up becoming your "other family" because you see them 40 hours a week.  That's a lot of time!  So...I've rambled on to say this.  I'm struggling.  I don't want to be miserable anymore.  I want to come to work HAPPY!  I should be thankful that I have a job.  That's a huge blessing!  It could be a lot worse.  That's for sure.  Starting NOW...I'm going to make a huge effort to be nice...to LOVE.  It's what I'm called to do.  It's what I should do.  It's what I want to do.